First Love, First Hate
by Asuto Hotaru
Summary: He was my first love. He was my first hate. I loved him, I love him. I hate him, I hate him... Don't I? A KyoYuki story. Yaoi. Three parts. Lemon to come.


**Author's Note: I wrote this over a year ago, in an old notebook, in another language. I just thought it might be fun to translate it and post it.**

**Warnings: **

**Rating: M, for later.**

**Pairings: Kyo x Yuki**

**Fic type: Yaoi/Shounen Ai**

**Part: Chapter 1 (Of 3)**

**Other: You'll notice, every event Yuki talks about in this chapter actually happens in the manga. Yep, even him thinking Kyo's hair is 'pretty'. That was the major inspiration for this story, the fact that Yuki, though it is certainly not love in the real series, does in fact have strong emotional ties to Kyo.**

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Dear Journal,

He was my first love. I loved him. I loved him. God, I love him.

I deny it everytime I see him. 'I don't love him, I don't.' I tell myself over and over again, but it changes nothing. He was my first love. And I still love him so much.

It's wrong, I know it's wrong. He's male, and I'm male, and we are cousins... Yes, I have always known that it is wrong. But that's never stopped me either.

It was New Year's eve, and I had slipped away from Akito's side, away from the banquet, for only one moment. I honestly don't know why I left. As much as I fear Akito now, the fear was worse then, and I knew that leaving would only cause trouble... But I slipped away. And that changed my life forever.

The Main House maids were talking about him, you see. They were talking about the 'disgusting cat-boy outside.' Now, I was young, and oh so curious. Even though I knew that I should be getting back to Akito's side, I instead did something daring, the first truely coraigous thing that I had ever done in my life, and went outside, searching out the cat, instead of doing my duty and returning to Akito. I didn't want to return, and so I didn't. And then I met him, and it took my breath away.

My first thought was that he was pretty. I loved his wonderful, amazing orange hair, and when he turned to me, his golden-amber eyes were so stunning I was struck speachless. He asked me if I was the rat. I honestly answered yes.

And then the yelling began.

I was distraught, in the end, that this beautiful boy would hate me. And to make it worse, Akito noticed my absense during the feast and I was punished. Severally. And locked in that special room, the one just for me. Part of me regretted ever meeting the orange-haired boy. Part of me was glad. Prat of me wanted to believe that, someday, all of the pain would be worth it. I don't know why I thought that. childish ignorance, I suppose. After all, it never happened, did it?

The next time I met him, I was walking to school. Not long before that, my friends' memories had had to be erased because of the garden incident. that had been the first time I had ever seen Hatori use his power. I was hurt, and even a bit scared. Of Hatori. And of Akito. Needless to say, my nerves were already a little shaky.

His hat had flown off of his head, and landed in front of me. He was with Shihan at the time, whom I had heard was his new father, after his mom had died. I picked the hat up from the ground, holding it out for him to take. He took only enough time to glare at me, and then turned tail and left. Clutching that same hat close to my heart, I crumpled onto the groud and cried. I think that that was the first time I realized that I was actually in love. With a boy who hated me. With a boy who I knew next to nothing about, except what I could learn from other Sohmas.

I ended up being late getting home, and Akito was angry again. For the first and only time in my life, I seriously debated having Hatori erase my memories. I wanted to forget him and the pain he had caused me. I wanted to forget the hatred in his eyes. The way he looked at me. Most of all, I wanted to forget that I was in love. I wanted to forget that I was capible of love at all, because I never wanted to feel like that again. However, before I ever got to really carry out my plan, I met Tohru Honda, a lost girl, whose mother was cussing out police, and took her home. I ended up giving _her_ his hat. And somehow, that freed me, for a while. I don't really understand it, but Tohru has that effect on people, I guess. I honestly feel very lucky to be living in the same house as her. I don't think that I would survive if it was just Shigure and I, and _him_. With her though, I feel that I can make it. Is it selfish of me to use her like this? I don't know...

I do not know, either, if it was fate or Akito that brought us all together under this one roof. But, what does it matter? I've seen the way he looks at Tohru, and I'm almost sure he loves her. The only thing I'm really positive these days, however, is this: I love Kyo Sohma.

Signed,

Yuki Sohma

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**Anyway, that's it until I type up the next chapter. Review if you feel you want to. Thanks for reading.**


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